Yet more posting, this time a bit more thoughtful....

[hel_ana]

I just had a conversation via IM with the not-so-annoying coworker in the loft. It came about because one of the annoying new guys made it crystal clear that he's super happy that I'm leaving.


me@mybrighthouse.com: It's good to know that T likes me about as much as I like him.
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: lol
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: that definately shows
me@mybrighthouse.com: Well, at least I should be able to get some packing help out of it.
me@mybrighthouse.com: Is it obvious that I don't like him?
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: yup
me@mybrighthouse.com: How?
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: but i dunno... you kinda come across that way to everyone
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: so not definately
me@mybrighthouse.com: I come accross as disliking everyone?
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: uh huh
me@mybrighthouse.com: really?
me@mybrighthouse.com: Even td?
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: or maybe more condescending
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: which comes across as not liking.....doesnt bother me cuz i know that is just how you are
me@mybrighthouse.com: Huh. Interesting.
me@mybrighthouse.com: I wonder why that is.

So, you who know me best, do you have any perspective on this for me? I'm honestly curious and open to anything you're going to throw out.

Comments

[angel-renewed.livejournal.com]

I think it's your no-bullshit policy and the fact that you don't do ::subtle:: well. It's pretty easy to tell when you could give 2 sh*ts about the subject at hand and my guess is that very little of what's discussed at work is worthy of attention. Remember that 99% of how people are perceived at work has NOTHING to do with their performance, but rather how well they 'fit into the team'.

How to fit in? I guess pretending that you care about the other team members. It's rarely worked for me, but that's what I'm told. Also, coming from a tech background where everyone is mostly geeky and bright and being stuck in an enviroment where they aren't is a big switch. Again, I'm just speaking from what I know of you and what I've seen personally facing the same problem.

So says the fellow professional outcast and veteran of the 'unsubtle' movement.

[hel_ana]

It's pretty easy to tell when you could give 2 sh*ts about the subject at hand

Huh.. Thanks, I had no idea that that was the case.

What's interesting is that I honestly think that I'm not really no-bullshit -- there are a few people in my social circle who (I think) I'm perfectly pleasant to despite my actual feelings about them, in order to not rock the boat of the social circle in question.

Of course, if it's possible for others to guess who they are, maybe I'm just giving too much credit to my dissembling skills.

[angel-renewed.livejournal.com]

There's a difference between being pleasant to folks whom you're not fond of and being no-bullshit. The former is a matter of social protocol. The latter means that you don't go out of your way to schmooze and engage in meaningless conversation.

As an example, I can't imagine you going out of your way to ask your cow-irkers about their kids, what they did last weekend, etc. unless you were in a situation with them (in the lunch room, or waiting for a meeting, etc.) where such protocol was the norm.

Americans think if you're not actively engaging them on a social level, you're unfriendly.

[hel_ana]

Hrm. Point.

I do ask about people's families/kids if I like the person, or if it's a followup on something they told me ("my mom's in the hospital" "how's your mom" kind of thing).

But the actively engaging on a social level is a good point. Thank you again.

[warpedwitch.livejournal.com]

there's a protocol? o.O