Yet more posting, this time a bit more thoughtful....

[hel_ana]

I just had a conversation via IM with the not-so-annoying coworker in the loft. It came about because one of the annoying new guys made it crystal clear that he's super happy that I'm leaving.


me@mybrighthouse.com: It's good to know that T likes me about as much as I like him.
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: lol
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: that definately shows
me@mybrighthouse.com: Well, at least I should be able to get some packing help out of it.
me@mybrighthouse.com: Is it obvious that I don't like him?
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: yup
me@mybrighthouse.com: How?
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: but i dunno... you kinda come across that way to everyone
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: so not definately
me@mybrighthouse.com: I come accross as disliking everyone?
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: uh huh
me@mybrighthouse.com: really?
me@mybrighthouse.com: Even td?
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: or maybe more condescending
coworker@mybrighthouse.com: which comes across as not liking.....doesnt bother me cuz i know that is just how you are
me@mybrighthouse.com: Huh. Interesting.
me@mybrighthouse.com: I wonder why that is.

So, you who know me best, do you have any perspective on this for me? I'm honestly curious and open to anything you're going to throw out.

Comments

[hel_ana]

Which American attitude?

[hel_ana]

Well, to be honest, the one that says I'm better than you, and I don't care what you think.

You don't have that attitude, so it makes you stand out in American circles.

But that's the exact opposite of what he's claiming I come off as. I wonder if it's a professional vs personal thing.

[stella2600.livejournal.com]

Well, the thing is, and I hate to admit it, you ARE better than most people I know in many ways. You don't try to show off, you just do what comes natural and everyone feels like you are trying to one up them. The truth is that you are better educated, polite and tolerant. Us Americans think your kind is weird because we don't give a f**k about anything at anythime.

I hope that came across to you the way it did in my head. You are unique, they are cattle. something like that, yeah, uh, yeah.

[hel_ana]

Thank you for the input, and yes, it did give me some perspective, though I don't think I can write off all 350 million of you. ;)

[hel_ana]

Which is why I love you.

And thank you. :)

[warpedwitch.livejournal.com]

and then there's the "Ugly American" that doesn't like being put in his (generic his) place that's not with a orbiting sun...

and for some reason, blunt honesty is considered rude or tactless...i'm still working on why...

[eve2007.livejournal.com]

You are a very warm spirited person in your circle of friends. You could be different in your work environment though. I agree with Don about being higher educated. From experience, those who I would consider an "intellect" (like yourself) do tend to come off a bit stuffy or pretentious. Personally I don't feel you come off like that to me, but maybe you are coming off that way to others. I would be able to judge much easier if I was part of your work environment though.

But hey, you are leaving that place, so who cares what they think :)

[hel_ana]

What they think? No-one.

But if I'm going to get along in the business environment here, then I have to be aware of why I'm being perceived so differently than I perceive myself.

[eve2007.livejournal.com]

Understandable.
Just take what they say, analyze a little and then just watch your actions going forward. I have had to reinvent myself a few times in my work environment.

[hel_ana]

::nods::

Thanks for the input. :)

[angel-renewed.livejournal.com]

I think it's your no-bullshit policy and the fact that you don't do ::subtle:: well. It's pretty easy to tell when you could give 2 sh*ts about the subject at hand and my guess is that very little of what's discussed at work is worthy of attention. Remember that 99% of how people are perceived at work has NOTHING to do with their performance, but rather how well they 'fit into the team'.

How to fit in? I guess pretending that you care about the other team members. It's rarely worked for me, but that's what I'm told. Also, coming from a tech background where everyone is mostly geeky and bright and being stuck in an enviroment where they aren't is a big switch. Again, I'm just speaking from what I know of you and what I've seen personally facing the same problem.

So says the fellow professional outcast and veteran of the 'unsubtle' movement.

[hel_ana]

It's pretty easy to tell when you could give 2 sh*ts about the subject at hand

Huh.. Thanks, I had no idea that that was the case.

What's interesting is that I honestly think that I'm not really no-bullshit -- there are a few people in my social circle who (I think) I'm perfectly pleasant to despite my actual feelings about them, in order to not rock the boat of the social circle in question.

Of course, if it's possible for others to guess who they are, maybe I'm just giving too much credit to my dissembling skills.

[angel-renewed.livejournal.com]

There's a difference between being pleasant to folks whom you're not fond of and being no-bullshit. The former is a matter of social protocol. The latter means that you don't go out of your way to schmooze and engage in meaningless conversation.

As an example, I can't imagine you going out of your way to ask your cow-irkers about their kids, what they did last weekend, etc. unless you were in a situation with them (in the lunch room, or waiting for a meeting, etc.) where such protocol was the norm.

Americans think if you're not actively engaging them on a social level, you're unfriendly.

[hel_ana]

Hrm. Point.

I do ask about people's families/kids if I like the person, or if it's a followup on something they told me ("my mom's in the hospital" "how's your mom" kind of thing).

But the actively engaging on a social level is a good point. Thank you again.

[warpedwitch.livejournal.com]

there's a protocol? o.O

[ilanajayne.livejournal.com]

I don't think this is true.

Let me think back to when we met... hmm... (that was a while ago, wasn't it...)

No, not condescending. Actually, you were quite friendly. And you seemed to like me right away, which actually, most people do not.

It could be because your Canadian-ness is off-putting to Americans. Not sure about that, though, as Dave and I never had any problems in the States when we were down there. And you knew Dave, he could be very off-putting when he wanted to be.

[hel_ana]

1993.

And I did like you right away. I like most people right away -- just some of them not so much after getting to know them.

I wonder about the natural reserve I know I have (hell, I'm more reserved than most of my mother's side of the family and they're all canucks) and if it's got any effect.

[ilanajayne.livejournal.com]

I don't find you more reserved than anyone else I know, but then that could be a Canadian thing. We might be getting circular here.

I know I am not really friends with my co-workers, even though I have worked with most of them for years. I have one or two that have become friends over the years, but that is it. I don't talk about personal things at work, unless they become obvious in some way. Most people I work with are the same way, really.

It has been too long since I was in the States - it could be different there. Some people in Cerritos were willing to dump all their personal information on a near-stranger when I was out there. That could be more prevalent than I thought.

[hel_ana]

unless they become obvious in some way

::snicker::

;)

[ross-winn.livejournal.com]

The fact that the guy you are talking about is a very pushy nor'eastern jackass is a glaring omission in your analysis. Unless you are kissing this guys ass you would be seen as stand-offish. This hasn't been a long-term job challenge for you. I don't think it wil be, espescially when you aren't marooned by your boss, working alone, and institutionally forced not to communicate with your co-workers.

of course I am biased.

You, biased? ;)

[hel_ana]

Oh sure, by the guy we were talking *about*.

At issue is the analysis of the guy I was talking *to*, who's Florida born and bred, and is quite far from a "very pushy nor'eastern jackass". Which is why the very pushy nor'eastern jackass was rude about the leaving thing "hey, when? can we help you pack", and everyone else (including the other pushy nor'eastern guy from philly and the floridian) has been much more polite about it and interested in the job.

[ross-winn.livejournal.com]

curious. however the fact that you are the most self contained woman I know may have something to do with it.

[eve-the-just.livejournal.com]

I think it's the sense of humour. As I recall, all the Tudor ladies had the same kind of dry, sarcastic wit. Which is why we liked each other so well. A lot of people just don't get it though. Not to mention, some people are put off by any humour more complex than fart jokes.

You're probably just smarter and better educated than them and it shows and it makes them uncomfortable. I wouldn't worry too much about it.