hel_ana | Seneschal - April 12, 2000

Chalk one up for incredible self-absorption on my part. I badly need to stop thinking so much about everything. Granted, it's probably unwise to give up on the practice entirely. At the same time, I think running something around and around in my head until entirely unrelated stuff starts to seem tinged by it is quite possibly bad.

But how do people find a balance between not thinking enough and thinking too much? I mean, it's fairly obvious where that balance is, I guess. But getting there. That's the problem.

And scaring people off by insisting that they explain themselves so that I'm able to fit another puzzle-piece into my thought process is definitely bad. Except that puzzle pieces are hard, and have definite edges. And my thoughts these days are more like jello.. or cotton candy... something that compresses, and edges around corners when it shouldn't, and doesn't make any damned sense at all.

Am I heading to the point where I'm so absorbed in fitting together jello bits that I won't be able to think about other people? Or is it just a temporary issue, brought on by needing to figure this incredibly knotty (slippery?) problem out.

I think I need to get my head together before I make this decision. But I wonder if I can get it together while the decision's still unmade.

And again, I'm absorbed in me.